I often write posts well before I publish them. It takes some time to connect all of my thoughts into something more than a rambling list. The following post was written one week ago, and I intended to publish it much later than today. However, I feel a series developing with this particular story in my life, so it’s necessary to lay the groundwork before expanding upon it any further.
My goal is to be positive, and this post is a bit of a downer. That’s because before being positive, one must be real. And if I couldn’t be real and upfront, I’d simply go crazy. So here it goes:
I write this tonight knowing I will not publish it until the time is right. But I have to get it down in writing now, Thursday, February 24, 2011.
My friend is in pain. He has been in pain for some time, but now it has reached new levels and areas. He went to the doctor on Tuesday, felt something wasn’t right and thought it could be the early stages of pneumonia.
He found out his blood cell count was half of what it should be. I don’t know much about all of this medical stuff, but I know this is bad. He called me as he was getting a blood transfusion that afternoon. I was woozy then and am now just thinking about it. I don’t do well with blood and all of that stuff.
Yesterday he told me he needs a liver transplant. There’s a bunch of fatty tissue on it. While he was in a bad car accident years ago, and that has contributed to his multiple health issues over the years, the doctor said in the case of his liver, the accident could have saved him. His liver has had issues for some time, even though he was never a smoker or drinker. No one would have paid attention to his liver had it not been for the accident.
And today I saw him in person. His spirit is broken. It is so painful to watch. I try to empathize but can’t. I’ve never been told that I have a serious medical condition. I am a ripe 31-year-old, and he is in his 60s. I haven’t looked death in the face, which is what he is doing now.
I saw a list of songs on his desk after he left for the day, and it brought chills. I know these are potential funeral songs. Scratch that – celebration of life songs.
This is a friend whom I have cried in front of, who really gets me. He’s one of a handful in the universe.
And all I can really do is listen to him and pray for him. It doesn’t seem fair.